With the Christmas season well upon us, and just having finished my exams TODAY (hollaaahh), I am happily ready to embrace the season and will undertake to get as many hours of Christmas music, as many Christmas movies, as many trips through the Vista instead of my normal Blossom St/Huger St. route (which I've convinced myself it's faster) because the Vista has the pretty Christmas lights--all as stuffed as I can into these next couple of weeks because it is the BEST time of year! I am an intense clinger to traditions, and so I always struggle with this inner tension that builds up inside me during December from a fear that I will not have enough time to watch every favorite Christmas movie, or drive to see the house with my favorite Christmas lights display, or get to spend as much time down in our basement all by myself contentedly wrapping presents and sipping my tea and listening to my two favorite Christmas cds...and that my Christmas season will not be perfect. May I just take this chance to add, though, that if it weren't for my tenacious grip on all the wonderful traditions of the Christmas season then I don't know WHAT kind of December my why-would-we-watch-Elf-again-we've-seen-it-so-many-times-we-can-quote-the-whole-movie siblings would have. It would be sadly lacking, let me tell you. We HAVE to watch it--and It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas and Christmas Story-- because it's tradition! We have to sit and listen to Mom read Bird's Christmas Carol aloud for the nth year in a row because it's tradition! We have to go to the 7 o'clock Christmas Eve service and not the 5 o'clock because it's tradition! Yes, I know it's common knowledge that tradition is what makes Christmas so wonderful, but my point is that I take it to the extreme. And so I have been gearing myself up beforehand so that I hopefully, prayerfully do not get caught up in the normal stressful tizzy I get myself into.
Lord, quiet my spirit before Your Child this Christmas. Fill me with joy that comes from an understanding of the Salvation that He came to bring.
Another reason I have been contemplative the beginning of this December is because this will be the first Christmas that really is the beginning of "things will never be the same" because my grandfather, Paw-Paw, died last month. He always got so excited about hosting Christmas and having the whole family surrounding him. The minute we would walk in the door his excited grin and enthusiastic "MERRY CHRISTMAS" greeted us first thing...unless his electronic Christmas doormat happened to be working that year and we heard Santa's voice (which until just recently I thought was Paw-Paw's voice recorded) startle us (every time)with "MErrrryyy CHRISTMAS!" Christmas will definitely be quieter this year with just my sweet, gentle Grandmother hosting. He was a fiery extrovert. But such a sweetheart. We will all miss him at Christmas.
Back to tradition. And life in general. We try so hard to keep a tight grasp onto things of this life that we love...so much that we try to replicate wonderful experiences that make us feel warm inside over and over and over. Christmas traditions. But then life messes up our perfectly-constructed plans for a perfect holiday season. Family squabbles. Busyness. People dying. I think this is our Creator quietly reminding us that He is the only thing we can hold on to. I don't have to watch It's a Wonderful Life (actually maybe let's change that to an inferior favorite like Eloise at Christmas...kidding)or go to the 7 o'clock instead of 5 o'clock (But really?? Who wants to go to a candle light service when it's barely dark outside?) Christmas Eve service to be filled with His joy and fall more in love with Him this December.
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